User blog:JKGame/JK: Junior Kritic - My Little Pony vs Regular Show Trilogy by Epic Rap Battles of Cartoons
Hey there, folks. Welcome to another episode of bootleg Rap Ranter! I'm your host, JK the Junior Kritic! Today, we're not looking at just one, but THREE battles with the exact same matchup from Epic Rap Battles of Cartoons. This series had a bit of a rocky start, but it has improved. Dib vs Zim is looking really promising from what I've seen. But we're here to look at the first battle for this series, 'cause those are always good: Twilight Sparkle vs Mordecai. Now first of all, this is an...odd matchup. I can see some connections: talking animals with opposite personalities (Kind of), but there are way better opponents for these two. As usual, lyrics will be in bold and my comments will be in italics. Will this trilogy be Eggscellent? Or is it not as magical as it seems? Let's get started. Egghead vs OHHHHHHHHHHHH https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8fhRTJXW3E EPIC RAP BATTLES OF CARTOONS! (Nothing to say here, really.) TWILIGHT SPARKLE ' ''(Ok, this title card isn't awful. Not great, but not terrible. Moving on.) 'VERSUS ' '''MORDECAI (Mordecai, why are you talking? I know you're going first, but can you wait a little? Impatient douche.) 'Mordecai: ' Oh no! It's time to battle a pony (Oh no! This doesn't sound like Mordecai at all! Yeah, it's probably hard to get someone who sounds like him, but at least then try to do an impression yourself.) I could play video games on a TV made by Sony (Why Sony specifically? Why not Nintendo or XBox? Or was this just to find something that rhymed with pony? At least you didn't say phony.) So you're a pony named after a movie about vampires (Ok, your point?) Your pink friend is psycho, and the orange one is a liar (Hello, Pinkie Pie! Bye, Pinkie Pie! Hello Applejack! Also, did you forget AJ is the element of, well, HONESTY? Yeah, she did lie a few times but fpr the most part, she sticks to her element.) Even though I can't fly, and your blue friend can fly (Did you forget to capitalize "I" there? Whatever.) I'll just cut her wings off and watch her die (Sweet Celestia, Mordecai! When did you get so violent? Also, have fun trying to do that. She's probably faster than you'll ever be.) And I'll turn her into burger meat, that'll teach her (And the violence continues! If your point of turning Rainbow into a Big Mac is to teach her a lesson, maybe try consider doing something that won't involve kiling. Then she won't learn 'cause, well, she's dead.) For being such a douchebag and getting on my nerves (Ok, that actually had some emotion there. Props for that. But when did she get on your nerves? You're battling Twilight, not Dashie. So far, no actual disses on Twilight. Just mentioning how her friends will get killed. Yippee.) 'Twilight Sparkle: ' Your Friendship isn't Magic, you're just so cruel (Ohhhhhh dear. Keep in mind that I can be very critical of fanmade MLP content if the characters talk. I mean extremely critical. So I'll say this and I'm sorry, but that sounds nothing like Twilight. This sounds like Maggie, the one voicing Twiley right now, is just reading the lyrics. Also, obligatory reference to TV show title. And look, Mordecai, even Twilight knows you're going too far!) I could get my pet dragon and win this punchies duel (Weird delivery on "punchies". Also, why can't you just do it yourself, Twilight? You have magic- oh wait, that would be cheating. But do you really need Spike to do this battle for you? What a wuss.) Calm down little bird, go back to Fluttershy (Probably the only decent line so far. Also, Mordecai really looks panicky trying to unlock that car door. I think he wants to get out of this crappy battle.) 'Cause I think you got away and got high (What? This part sounds like it's been slowed down. Makes it hard to listen to. And wow, Mordecai DOES want to get away from here as fast as he can. Look at him! Also, these shots of the characters in a scene they weren't in looks so out of place. I mean, I know they're supposed to be there, but try to make it look like they were there all along.) This place is Ponyville, which means no giant birds ("YOU F**CKING RACIST!!!" Seriously, did Chancellor Neighsay write this line?) Princess Celestia tells you everything, 'cause you never learned (Celestia didn't tell Mordecai anything. And never learned what? Friendship? Not to mess with Twilight? Cooking? Rapping? THE BIRDS AND THE BEES?!) How much love can you get? I'm guessing none (Wow, a solid diss. Didn't expect that.) 'Cause your personality is just a piece of horse dung (Ok, another good- wait, is that a shot of Twilight crapping on the floor? First, gross. Have the deceny to clean up your mess, Twi! Second, What is that scene even from? Definitely not the actual show!) 'Mordecai: ' Oh, I'm high? Said the pony who has a pink friend (What? What does having Pinkie Pie as a friend have to do with you yourself being high? She can be seen as being high, but I don't think drug effects spread like a disease! Otherwise, what's the point of taking a drug?) That's always smoking meth and it will be the end (And the shots go from full-screen to having those black boxes around. What happened?) Of her, Sparkle? I bet that bell didn't rung (What bell are you talking about? Grogar's bell- wait he didn't exist yet minus his appearance in the OG MLP.) And by the end of this song, I'll just say YEAH YUH (At least you didn't something like "By the end of this song, you'll be buried alive!" or something stupid like that.) 'Shining Armor: ' Don't you talk to my sister like that, I could kick your butt (What? Whaaaat? What are you doing here, Shining? Why are you here? Just having Twilight would've been fine. Also to sound like broken record: that sounds nothing like Shining Armor. Imagine him sounding like that in the actual show.) I wish you and your gay friend got sprayed by that skunk (Well, the footage shows Rigby getting sprayed so you already got half of your wish fulfilled there. Also, gay jokes!) How can you fight me? I'm married and you're not (So many things here. One, we already referenced Mordecai's terrible love life! Two, what does being married have to do with fighting someone else? Third, was the "Married" and "Not Married" words that flashed on the screen really necessary?) The Elements of Harmony will take you away from Canterlot (I like how Mordecai did absolutely nothing and didn't even react to being blasted away. Either he accepted his fate and was just done with everything or he tried to channel Luigi's doing nothing powers hoping he'd survive.) So that was the first Mordecai vs Twilight. Now let's move onto the second one. I'll do the overall ratings later. Bookhorse vs Blue Jay-Z 2: The Second Part https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nko1_y2cZ9Y The Beginning: (Ok, I actually like this part. It would've been more clever if it was done like the recap parts in the MLP two-parters, but eh.) EPIC RAP BATTLES OF CARTOONS! TWILIGHT SPARKLE ' ''(Nothing to say here.) 'VERSUS ' '''MORDECAI (Hey, Mordecai, get off that phone. You're starting pretty soon.) 'Mordecai': Oh fuck no, I have to go through this piece of shit again, ' ''(Pretty much everyone's thoughts when going into this battle.) '''Even worse, you are a ruler, and that’ll be a sin. (Why was that footage played as normal and then played backwards? Also, Mordecai, why are you making a sandwich?) You now have wings, looks like I have cut your wings off too, (Does Mordecai have some sort of fetish with cutting wings off? He really lieks to bring it up.) and turn you into burger meat you miserable pile of splooge. (And I guess Mordecai also has a fetish of turning ponies into Whoppers, too.) I’m Mordecai, you will die, you brainwash guys, (Ugh, this rhyme scheme. And the flow's kind of off, too. Also, "I'm (blank)" cliche and "You will die" cliche all rolled into one! And I guess the brainwash part is referencing when Twilight put a spell on a doll that made ponies fall in love with it...) for them to buy, stupid shit that's super hard to find. ' ''(...or not! I have no idea what Mordecai's talking about here. MLP merch? Those are pretty easy to find, though. Just go to Target or heck, even Barnes and Nobles! I didn't say Toys 'R Us 'cause they closed.) '''Princess Celestia made you a princess because she was doing cocaine, (What did I tell you? Put down the phone! Are you calling the ducks so they can later beat up Twilight or something?) Forgetting Lesson Zero makes you fucking insane. (Ok, an alright line.) I will rip off your horn and shove it up your Cranky Doodle Donkey. (Wow, that flow was bad. And here we have Mordecai getting violent again.) It’s not Ponyville, it’s the world of c**ty. (...I got nothing.) Good news for me, you will be fucking disappointed, me and Margaret kissed, now we are in a relationship. (Oof, this line aged really badly. Also, "Disappointed" and "relationship" don't rhyme.) I am the champion, you are a fucking failure, (F-I-L-L-E-R. Filler.) You are not a hero, I saved Eileen from the Death Bear. (Twilight saved Equestria and other places countless times. She saved more lives than you ever did, @sshole.) Princess Twilight Sparkle, your rhymes are fucking sour, (Another filler. And Mordecai, how many F-bombs are you gonna drop? Also, Matthew sounds like he's almost out of breath here.) Now get down on your knees, and suck The Power! (You want Twilight to suck on a magic piano? You have a lot of strange fetishes, Mordecai.) 'Twilight Sparkle': Dear Princess Celestia, tell this bird to piss off, (Do it yourself, you lazy douche.) This person is cheaper than a cupcake shop. (What? First, Mordecai is a bird, not a person. Second, the second part really doesn't make much sense. I can buy Mordecai now as he's a slave?) I don’t even get why people ship us, are they stupid? (I don't even get why this line was written. It just doesn't sit with me.) Oh well, at least I have wings like a valentines day cupid. (Shouldn't it be a "Hearts and Hooves" cupid since that's what Valentine's Day pretty much is in your show? Though I don't think cupids are a thing in your show anyway.) Me and Shining Armor won part 1, so I’ll win part 2, (As long as he doesn't show up, I'd be down with that.) Hell, even Derpy Hooves is more stupider than you. (I clearly heard "smarter" in the audio, yet here it's the opposite. So you technically just dissed Derpy instead of Mordecai. Nice job.) What’s the matter diaper boy, you wanna ca-caw on Margaret? (Why would you call Mordecai "diaper boy"? You know what this line reminds me of? This: WHAT'S THE MATTER, ASHY BOY? YOU WANT HEALING FROM NURSE JOY? Dude Time on you, it makes me puking. (These lines make me puking.) You couldn’t even get a handshake from Margaret’s dad, (Oh, what a hard-hitting diss. That totally destroyed him. (Airhorn)) He made you wear a yellow speedo, and that was really bad. (This line could've been written way better. Instead, we get this, and it was really bad.) You’re in a relationship with Margaret? How much did you pay her? (Dr. Evil: One million dollars!) I’m a princess, what are you? A prune purse. (Twilight sure is getting creative with these names. First, diaper boy, and now a prune purse.) Are you even considered a badass? Cause you are really not, (I mean, he did save Eileen from the Death Bear. That was pretty badass.) You think you’re really cool cause you’re smoking pot? (Look, this bucket's overflowing from this much filler.) i did this in round 1, well I'll do it today, (You already did the "I beat you once, I'll do it again" line!) Applejack calls you hay, that’s why she says time to hit the hay. (Wait, what? This line makes no sense whatsoever. When did AJ call Mordecai "hay?") 'Mordecai': That’s bullshit you runt, you smell like fucking sk**t, (The Count: Four! That's four times Mordecai dropped the F-bomb! Ah, ah, ah!) Your show’s like The Best VHS in the World, you lied to me. (Lied to you about what exactly?) I’m a party animal, you are just a plain animal. (Honestly, the best line in this battle.) I’m in a video game, your game’s about you teaching educational. (Animal and educational don't rhyme. And your game kind of sucked, Mordecai. You could've dissed the MLP mobile game and its schemes to take your money.) I’ll make your brain explode into a million pieces, (How though? By shoving a dynamite into her skull?) Want a nice refreshing Mordeshake that I stirred with my penis? (Ewww. Ewww. EWWWWW! What are even saying?!) I’m gonna rap it up, so here’s my final line, (The "This battle's done, so here's my last line" cliche) i’m sad that you are a princess cause you won’t die! (Why? 'Cause you can't satisfy your pony murder fetishes? Plus, I'm pretty sure alicorns can die. We just haven't seen it yet.) Equestrian Girl Twilight: I’m a human now, so please stop your complaining, (Wrong "your!" And did Twilight really need to become a human? Plus, you couldn't stop your own fanbase from complaining when you first became a human.) Your rap style is worse than when Rarity was handling rain. (Why does that one footage have subtitles in another language?) I defeated Sunset Shimmer, and now I’ll defeat you, (The "I beat this guy, so I can beat you" cliche. Whoopee!) Everytime you get rejected, you always turn blue. (Can we diss Mordecai for something other than his love life? It's getting old.) I saved everybody’s lives, you only saved one, (Hey, look. Twilight just said the same thoughts as mine with Mordecai's Death Bear line!) Your love is not in bloom, you don’t even have love. (Oh, you're just going to ignore what I said about the love life dissing? Pr*ck.) Spike, take this important message down for Celestia, (How can he? You're in the human world now.) I learned something today, blue jays suck! (Twilight continuing her racism against birds. "Suck" and "Celestia" don't rhyme. And look at Mordecai blasting off like he's a rocket. To infinity and beyond!) Alright, two down. One more to go. Let's get started. Purple Smart vs Feathery Scott Pilgrim 3 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_H3NoMA_gpI 1 year and 5 months ago... You witnessed the beginning of... "EPIC RAP BATTLES OF CARTOONS! With a terrible battle. Yes, I admit it. But, after that... 1 year ago... The sequel to the series premiere was released. "EPIC RAP BATTLES OF CARTOONS!" And still, it was terrible. But now... (I actually like these parts a lot. Not just because Matthew admitted the battles were bad, but also they kind have an epic feel to them.) EPIC RAP BATTLES OF CARTOONS! TWILIGHT SPARKLE! VS! MORDECAI! (I also like how the title cards actually evolve here. It shows just how much this series has grown.) 3! BEGIN! Twilight Sparkle: Welcome to Equestria, magically 'gon mess with ya (And Twilight got a new voice actor again, this time by Miss4yo! Still doesn't sound like her, but I'll take what I get. Now a lot of lines here and in this battle aren't bad and I've got nothing to say so I'll just bring up certain lines I'd like to talk about. Also, throughout Twi's verse, she tends to giggle or make a sound effect in between lines. Odd, but ok.) I'll step on this pedestrian thrice like an equestrian (Equestrians don't step on people. They just ride horses. Maybe I'm just being dumb here. All you ever do is sit on Rigby and play games (Siting on Rigby? Don't tell me this is another gay joke, I swear to Celestia.) You and your online girlfriend are gonna wish you never came (Came where? To this battle, or the other meaning? Please tell me it's the former.) Twilight’s lighting the Sparkles that’ll finally burn your flesh (Oh goodness, Twilight's starting to become violent, too! Mordecai: UGH! Did you seriously not get the fact that you’ll lose every time you’ll face me? (And Matthew no longer voices Mordecai. Now B-Lo does. Again, doesn't really sound like him, but it's better than before.) You can’t scare me, even if you are a princess with new grown wings (I don't think a princess with wings will scare anybody.) I just live a Regular life and people love me around the nations (Now I'll show you why I'm loved around the nation!) Facing me a 3rd time will just be your final destination (With no items and Fox only?) Twilight is your name? That’s probably why people don’t watch your show (Well, that's a dumb reason to not watch a show. Oh, a character in this show is named Twilight? Screw this! This show probably sucks!) Your show is better than mine? Season 3 only had 13 episodes! (Comparing the quality of the show to how many episodes it got is pretty dumb. Plus, MLP now has more seasons and episodes than Regular Show.) I may have messed up with CJ, but what makes you think you can do better? (She didn't mess up with Flash Sentry, so she already did better than you.) Ok, and now for this second part, both Twilight and Mordecai get backed up by their friends. I won't talk about the lyrics 'cause honestly, they aren't bad aside from a few filler lines. I will be talking about the impressions of the characters. I'm sorry, but for the MLP side, I don't like it. No offense to the voice actors, but they just sound cringe-y to me. I'm really sorry. Like I said, I'm just too critical of MLP voices that aren't voiced by the original actors. For the Regular Show side however, it's actually...great! Most of the impressions like Stoff as Skips and Mat4yo as Pops are pretty good! The only one I don't like is Muscle Man, but his voice is hard to replicate, so I'll give it a pass. Princess Celestia: Enough my students, time to show you what you’re not (This Celestia voice is also not that bad if I say so myself. But you're gonna show them what they're not? Not what? Nice? Mean enough? Dumb? I’m the princess of the sun, that’s why my rhymes are so hot (Sure. This is not a bad line.) Mordecai, you need to leave my faithful student alone (LEAVE TWILIGHT ALONE!!! LEAVE HER ALONE!!!) Because seriously, the disses you make just make me groan (Come on, Celestia. I thought you'd know better than to have fillers.) Benson: MORDECAI! RIGBY! ENOUGH WITH THESE PONIES YOU DORKS! (Now we have WoodenHornets aka The John K. of the Rap Battle Community as Benson. He does a good job with him, honestly. But what's with the fidgety effects through this verse? It looks like the editing software keeps twitching or something.) It’s bad enough that we had to deal with some dumbass unicorns (Wait, you're gonna go insult the ponies after Celestia summoned you? You better hope she didn't hear or else this will be another time you've been sent to the moon!) Just like your future lip-syncing band, you’re just a big phony! (Are you talking about that episode where Flutters took over Big Mac in that music group? Or did Mordecai form his own version of Milli Vanilli in the future? I don't understand who you're aiming that towards, Benson.) You two need to learn to be friends,‘cause your fighting makes me tired (Man, Benson really wants to get this over with, doesn't he?) Now get back to work, OR YOU’RE FIRED! (Eeey, he said his thing. Let's go home, guys!) Conclusion Now that's every one of them! Let's give them their final ratings. Mordecai vs Twilight Sparkle 1 - 2/10 It's the first one, so of course it's the weakest of the trilogy. Lyrics weren't great, the impressions sucked, and the editing was meh. Mordecai vs Twilight Sparkle 2 - 3/10 A bit of an improvement, but not by much. The lyrics are still just as bad, the impressions still aren't accurate. My Little Pony vs Regular Show - Rainbow Rocks/10 By far, the best one, of course. Impressions improved a lot, the lyrics were now actually tolerable, and the editing isn't bad. So that was the Mordecai vs Twilight trilogy! That was a doozy! Now for my next battle, I want to tackle a battle involving a video game series I recently fell in love with: Fire Emblem! Mainly because Three Houses got released yesterday. So here's a poll of FE-themed battles and you choose which one I should tackle! Which Fire Emblem rap battle should I review? Future Trunks vs Lucina by hyperjacob96 Marth vs Joan of Arc by Epic Rap Battles: Video Games vs History Robin and Lucina vs Cloud and Aerith by Gaming All Star Rap Battles (Not sure about this one, though. B-Lo might come after me.) Other (Please specify.) And that's all! I've got a new rap battle coming extremely soon, so stay tuned for that, and that's it! Have a nice day, everyone! Category:Blog posts